showers and Peter and status quo

i really enjoy showers at night[most preferably my mum's toilet] because i can just let the torrents of water hit my bald head and flow down my bodeh. and as the water cascades down, my thoughts start coming in. prayer. worship. they set in.

Peter, peter, peter. why do you have sucha big mouth? peter, you made a very bold and reckless statement. Lay down your life? alright, you said that. but Jesus knew you would back out, last minute. your head probably swelled. your bravado probably impressed[maybe disgusted] other people. yeah. lay down your life. that meant a lot. and even more if you break that claim. but how did you feel when you broke your claim? were you worried about what people might whisper about you?

"yeah, you see that idiot who just denied Jesus? so much for that mouth of his."
"dude, that guy speaks before he thinks. what a waste of brains."

i seriously don't know what people during Jesus' time would say. but i know for one thing that peter felt ashamed. he always speaks before he thinks. his mouth comes before his brains. he might even felt impervious to those whom he may have hurt accidentally[or intentionally]. but that night, he felt like the worst loser on the face of this earth. he probably wanted to dig a hole and hide his face, filled with shame, inside it. never want to see those stares of people. never want to hear those snide comments. never. and he did what many people will do. he returned back to the life he led before he met Jesus. ahh. if he continued on doing Jesus' work, it'll probably remind him of what he did; the blunder he made.

yet.

yet he became the one who spoke. the one who shared. he became one of the greatest apostles ever. he became the person who wrote his own epistles which will be read by countless of Christians worldwide.

i read this story from Facing the Giants ages ago. and God reminded me of this story. of how peter grappled with his stronghold. and other people as well. i shouldn't be over-concerned about the "doing well spiritually or not" and sorts. yeah, doing well spiritually is important. coz if i have no character, i can easily get back to square one. character's so important!! but i probably forgot who i am.
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status quo. it sucks when you're hurt. it does. coz when you're hurt, you've got this wall in front of you which seperates you from everyone. physically, you're present. but truth is that everything is deceptive. that person standing on the inside isn't you. or me in this case. we conform, we follow the flow coz we're afraid of being disappointed, afraid of messing things up, afraid of hurting others, afraid of this, afraid of that, blah blah. just living craven lives being afraid of nearly everything.

but in God i can make mistakes. i can hurt others, be overwhelmed by guilt and shame and sorrow and whatever nots and return to God. i can coz i want God to write the word "yet" in my biography. in my biography, i want this cursive y-word called "yet."

i may be someone who's inconsiderate, lousy, blah blah.

yet, i may become one of the greatest speakers God may use.
yet, i may become one of the greatest workers of God.

one of the greatest pastors, one of the greatest painters, one of the greatest worship leaders. i also want God to write a "yet."

yet.