Saturday, May 31, 2008

R for RADICAL. C for Conference!

yay ps preston!!!!

this pic is by far the coolest i've taken in my life.

xiongdi lao le!! happy belated 18th!!! xiongdi square!

happy belated 18th cheryl!!!!! much love!!!!!! :D

yeah so R.C rocked LIKE A HURRICANE[hahaha lovelle]!!!

truth be told, there's a lot going on in my mind. so much that i can't put it here

who likes being BURRRNNNTTTT. hahahahhaa the heat sometimes is so hawt that you can only just sweat and let the flames lick you. but behind the furnace are some of the best riches one can have. character, faith and blah blah. and when we finish furnace time and come out, though maybe not unscathed, but clinging on, we can see victory. and character. and loads of stuff! woah! Jesus holds on to me, to us and never let me, let us go! this week had been so tough and difficult coz i've been hit by so many temptations and shucks, it's horrible. it's wearisome. but the best thing is that Jesus holds on to my hand. no need to be ashamed of furnace times! yeah baby!

and dude, i'm not cutting. at all. i reached a horrific conclusion that i've been following the flow and it sucks, it's difficult, it's frustrating. and i have never wondered why did God made me so different. others can just woosh, flow along while i can't. shucks. i'm insensitive, tactless, have no control of my tongue, nonsensical. come to think of it, i don't know how many people have i offended and sinned against. loads. and not everyone likes it. not everyone likes me. revolutionary arh. so much for the masks. so much for being someone you aren't. what's my character? shucks. i have lost myself in the process. lost knowing who i am. process. relationships is also about processes. so naive of me to think that relationships comes from shortcuts.

i have also reached another horrific conclusion that i have nothing. i have nothing on this world. good brains? so what even i have them? people say i'm intelligent. but can i eat my O's cert for dinner? i only have a few of what you call "good friends." a few. so few that i can confide to. so few to shout "I'M FEELING DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF. I'M FRUSTRATED." so what do i have? Jesus. i have the only friend on this world that sticks with me. i have God. i've been coming up with excuses to justify and protect myself. but i don't need to. God is my refuge in oppressed times.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


i really thank God for lester because he makes life easy for me.

i don't know if i should be saying this. but he's the one that makes me see that it's worth discipling. God has changed him. juxtaposition of before and after will shock you.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

What do you want?

And that's what Jesus asked of those 2 disciples at John 1:37

"That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."

Saturday, May 24, 2008


i realized how small my problems, my discouragements and what's going on are.

shucks. so small! those small little things on the sky that sparkle at night, God places them there and KNOWS THEM BY THEM. THE LIGHTNING BOLTS. GOD SENDS THEM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. THE GREAT BALL OF FIRE. THE ONE THAT MAKES US GO "@#^@$^%(&%(*^(_)^*_(%%^#." GOD PLACED IT THERE.


after sermon yesterday, i realized there are so many weaknesses in me. a lot you know!!!! a lot until it's indescribable[haha]! then i was on the mrt feeling frustrated when suddenly a line from a song floated in my head:

"Your hand O Lord, is upon me."

does it matters how big my problems are? coz God's hand which holds the universe is BIGGER[dunno how many trillion light years]! no problem! no pressure! strongholds can be broken! lies can be discovered and thrashed!

yeah baby! ready to rock and roll!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

remaining results

I GOT A1 FOR COMBINED SCIENCE[A1 for phy, A1 for chem]. I TOPPED THE CLASS BABY!!!! hahaahhahaa God's really good, really. i never got a distinction for science in my whole life[ah something yousheng can be proud of!!! :D]
i got B3 for F&N!!!! i didn't top the class. but God gave me more than what i expect. much more. thank God!!!!

ah God's good, really good.

Monday, May 19, 2008

my soul longs for You

i PASSED english. i kinda topped the class. 56/100!!!! but nothing to be proud about coz i'll prolly be last in some really elite school.
i PASSED combined humanities. i was hoping that i would fail my ss at least by a mark[i passed history by 1 mark] if not i'll fail CH. and God gave me what i wanted. perfect 50! :D :D :D
i PASSED poa. i expected a distinction but a B3 ain't that bad!!! as in seriously.

i'm still waiting, still hoping. but it's really tough when you're expecting yourself to fail most of your subjects. i expected myself to fail english and combined humanities. i'm not kidding. nearly half of my prayer journal is filled with requests for peace coz it's frightening when it bugs me. but God's good, very very good. of course can do better lah! but God's good enough to give me a pass.

PS: 60% of my cohort failed English. i'm one of the 40% that passed. how not to thank God?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

thank God for fun and taupok

oho!!!!! i think everybody really enjoys touch rugby. but i guess it's no coincidence that so many people in my cell plays touch/whack rugby!!!!! it's really relieving. i had lots of fun during cellgroup. i had taupok[where 5 boys ranging 50-70kg] squeezed the air out of me and samuel[two boys get legs, two boys the arms, then 1,2,3!!!!]. awesome awesome.

i think it's very true. my world crumbles. many times. it does. but God never fails me. i can run back to Him and say "Papa, i'm sorry for _____________." much love to my Heavenly Father.

anyway on friday, i prayed that God speak to me in a different way. and yes, God spoke to me through p&w.

"All my hopes, all my dreams, God I lay them at Your feet."

i have hopes. maybe not so much of dreams. i don't know if dreams and hopes are the same. but i have hopes. i can name some.

i HOPE that i can get all A's for my O's[counting out chinese]
i HOPE that God'll heal Victor's deafness
i HOPE that my disciples can come to church.
i HOPE that my disciples are doing well.
and many other stuff.

but how many times do i place my hopes at God's feet? probably near zero.

i really love God a lot. God really never fails me. He speaks, He answers, He loves me. i can confidently say that there is literally no one on this earth whom i can share with everything that's on my prayer journal. there's no one whom can satisfy my need for love. i tell you! i need love! i really do. sometimes i get so sick and tired of giving and giving that i feel as though people are leeching me. and worse still, i leech off people as well. the only channel of unfailing love is God. God Himself. men do fail. men/women cannot satisfy me because time and time again, all let me down. they make me feel unwanted. they make me feel unappreciated. they make me feel rejected. yes, even Christians. and i must have probably done the same thing.

but God is like Hosea!!!!!!! God's love streches far deep and wide!!! i can be as transparent as i want to God without Him rejecting me. sometimes i've this gut feeling that people find me boring because i rant a lot. but i can rant as much as i want, God answers!!!! my prayer journal is filled with rants and prayers that normal earthlings like you will probably find boring.

i love God a lot because He's just God. can do anything. always so unexpected. always so loving. always there.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

basketball again.

ohoooo! thank God for good weather and that no one disturbed us!!!!! :DDDD i had good fun. but my whole bod's aching. still, no pain, no gain!!!!!!!!

God, i thank You for good friends, good fun, good weather!

Sunday, May 11, 2008

:D :D :D :D

Estehr: You run on the road, breath in sulphur dioxide, breathe in nitrogen oxide, breathe in carbon monoxide, breathe in ozone, breathe in unburnt hydrcarbon, one week later get lung cancer!!!


anyway, i went to popular and spent nearly 40bucks on assessment books. all on english compre and vocab. come to think of it, i guess it SHOULD be worth it. no pain, no gain right? but ot only that. i spent 7 bucks on a rather thick notebook. what for? prayer journal. people are using prayer journals. must follow trend. nah. i just felt like getting one. okay la partly because of trend. but can be put to good use! God will bless that, amen? :D :D :D

i was writing my prayer journal.

"God, i feel like crying. God i cannot take it anymore. Very angry......... blah blah blah. Maybe You will make a way? But-"

i stopped at the "but." there's this thingy in me that's telling me that God is sovereign. God is sovereign. trust. gotta trust. i cancelled the "but."

i did my qt. and God had a lot to tell me. rejoice. c'mon, yining! thank God! and most importantly, BLESS those around you! c'mon, pray a prayer of blessing! don't just pray for growth and blah blah. bless bless bless! God is good.

i don't know how to continue from here.

Saturday, May 10, 2008


Father, i thank You for change in lester, Father i thank You for lester's dad receptive heart. Father i thank You lester didn't get into trouble today. Father i thank You that lester wasn't scolded. Father, i thank You lester is more hardworking now. i thank You.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


i don't know why am i typing this post.

like any other people, i'm going through a memorizing-regurgitate period. must explain, must do this, must do that. if not how to do well arh! hahaha!!! i still remember that today's SS paper killed me. i slept at 1 30am[okay la not as bad as it sounds coz i know of people who slept at 3am] and i woke up feeling drowsy and wondering am i at wonderland.

i'm go to hans frequently nowadays. study and talk which the latter made up most of time spent there. ah. who? i go with nat, youzhao usually. i like the both of them. the most amazing thing is how i actually met nat.

the day of departure for mission trip, tanah merah mrt.
nat: oh, zi zee ren!!!!!

hahahahaha!!! it's not everyday where you have church mates who live near you. esp when church is miles away. i share a lot with nat. like my life, cell, studies, a lot. we talk about movies, history and biking[something youzhao and nat really like] and loads of other stuff.

eh eh. God's good and now i understand why He placed me in the east. isn't it true that everything has their reason?