Saturday, May 31, 2008

R for RADICAL. C for Conference!

yay ps preston!!!!

this pic is by far the coolest i've taken in my life.

xiongdi lao le!! happy belated 18th!!! xiongdi square!

happy belated 18th cheryl!!!!! much love!!!!!! :D

yeah so R.C rocked LIKE A HURRICANE[hahaha lovelle]!!!

truth be told, there's a lot going on in my mind. so much that i can't put it here

who likes being BURRRNNNTTTT. hahahahhaa the heat sometimes is so hawt that you can only just sweat and let the flames lick you. but behind the furnace are some of the best riches one can have. character, faith and blah blah. and when we finish furnace time and come out, though maybe not unscathed, but clinging on, we can see victory. and character. and loads of stuff! woah! Jesus holds on to me, to us and never let me, let us go! this week had been so tough and difficult coz i've been hit by so many temptations and shucks, it's horrible. it's wearisome. but the best thing is that Jesus holds on to my hand. no need to be ashamed of furnace times! yeah baby!

and dude, i'm not cutting. at all. i reached a horrific conclusion that i've been following the flow and it sucks, it's difficult, it's frustrating. and i have never wondered why did God made me so different. others can just woosh, flow along while i can't. shucks. i'm insensitive, tactless, have no control of my tongue, nonsensical. come to think of it, i don't know how many people have i offended and sinned against. loads. and not everyone likes it. not everyone likes me. revolutionary arh. so much for the masks. so much for being someone you aren't. what's my character? shucks. i have lost myself in the process. lost knowing who i am. process. relationships is also about processes. so naive of me to think that relationships comes from shortcuts.

i have also reached another horrific conclusion that i have nothing. i have nothing on this world. good brains? so what even i have them? people say i'm intelligent. but can i eat my O's cert for dinner? i only have a few of what you call "good friends." a few. so few that i can confide to. so few to shout "I'M FEELING DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF. I'M FRUSTRATED." so what do i have? Jesus. i have the only friend on this world that sticks with me. i have God. i've been coming up with excuses to justify and protect myself. but i don't need to. God is my refuge in oppressed times.

1 comment:

Cheryl said...

Thanks for your birthday greeting (: Anyway, I'm real glad that you got so much from Radical Conference :D Keep whatever God and Ps Preston said etched in your heart <3