Thursday, January 31, 2008

thank God for good food, good fun... and good FRIENDS.

sometimes when you're just down or when circumstances just strikes you like ballistic missiles, that's when God place good friends by your side. hear you out, comfort you, make you laugh, share secrets.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

just so God-lovin'

"Take away the cup of suffering. Yet i want Your will and not mine."

now, THAT'S radical.

very comforting

so i've formed a team now which only consists of 3 people, including me. we lack manpower so we spoke to this teacher and discussed with him the manpower issue. and it's really good to be a teacher because you can have a network of contacts. he told us about some students in school who're fervent for God. but unexpectedly, that's not the highlight. the highlight was that he prayed for us. he just muttered "eyes open", prayed and we agreed softly[with our eyes opened]. i appreciate it a lot.

Monday, January 28, 2008

the spiritual farmer

now i understand the verse "the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few."

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

unbelievable is God's faithfulness

He placed people whom made huge impacts in my life. friends, tutors, you name it! when people see you and praise God in heaven! how wonderful can that be!

school-changers, arise!!

changing your school, claim your school for Jesus! i think that sure makes a good change as compared to just sitting in lessons listening to your teachers' monotonous drone. i just dreaded school last time and even now, there're occasions when i just can't help but sigh whenever the homework load piles up or tests just snowball in one single week itself. and the you-must-wake-up-at-6am-every-morning thought everyday is just so dismal.

but the exciting thing is that this is my last year! i wanna leave an impact! i wanna leave a legacy behind! i want people to know me as a God-fanatic! a Jesus-freak! or whatever you call that!

so i shall come up with something on Valentine's Day. i won't be mentioning my plans here because that'll ruin the fun. it's quite subtle though yet i'm sure the small seeds will be planted! i really hope it meets my teachers' approval! and when you start doing God's work and start fishing in people to join you, you not only get to know one another better, people will start opening up to you!

the last day of ignite was intense and even uncomfortable for me. man, people are willing to lay down their lives for Jesus. i don't even know if i'm willing to declare and stand up for my faith if someone points a gun at me, like what the martyrs did. it's the martyrs that make Christianity shine out. dying for Jesus is the perfect reason why we live for him. now this is radicalove!!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

so awful

heartaches can really crush the spirit. especially when you sinned against someone you love a lot and you end up feeling so wretched and spend your whole night crying bitterly. i'm still feeling very sorry and the shame is just crushing me at one tiny corner. then, this verse flashed in my mind.

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit." Proverbs 15:13


there's this verse which i shared with someone. and guess what? the same verse spoke to me.

What if some did not have faith? Will their lack of faith nullify God's faithfulness? Not at all! Let God be true, and every man a liar. As it is written: "So that you may be proved right when you speak and prevail when you judge." Romans 3:3-4

My faith is probably even smaller than a mustard seed. there're times when i doubt when i pray and i just can't help it because the reels of fillm in my mind that shows how i will mess up if my prayer isn't answered just keeps playing and playing.

Friday, January 18, 2008

Ignite Conference '08: Jesus and unexpected people

here i am!

indescribable service! till now, what Ps. Joakim said really echoes in my head!

"a step of faith unlocks God's power."

the testimonies were so powerful and they rendered me flabbergasted. maybe i didn't dared to allow God to use me as a vessel because i just think i can't do it. typical right! haha! but that's true! the slimy voice in my head telling me "you're gonna mess it up again, like you always do! people will look at you as though you're some alien from planet Goofabus! the teachers won't allow it! you'll get scolded and punished and people will think you're some holy fanatic and snigger behind their backs! you'll hit the headlines in the school!"

i need to sink in the fact that the weaker you are, the better it is. the more incompetent you are, the more God will use you. like for me, i actually have no talents whatsoever. not kidding. i'm just an ordinary 16 year old wanting to end secondary education quick, go to a polytechnic and go Bible college and blah blah. no talents, low aspirations.

the world is screaming at your[and mine] to be perfect in everything. but God might even be whispering in your ear telling you "you don't need to be perfect. i can use you to stir a revival in your school, blah blah blah. as long as you want it and you take your step of faith."

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

When life is oopsy-turvy

oh yeah, title says it all.

when God's presence just isn't there. or you know that God isn't really working in your life. or when everything just seems wrong and messed up. even when you live a life of repetitive sin. or when you see that your faith is running low.

for Hannah, this was the case:
"And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat." 1 Samuel 1:6-7

that's when you need to cry out to God.

"I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." 1 Samuel 1:15-16

i poured out my soul. i shut my eyes tightly, opened my gaping mouth wide in agony and in my heart i was just screaming to God. oh yeah, literally. i screamed to God.


i just don't trust God enough to know that He's sovereign and that He's God and He calls the shots, not me. haha i'm just that weak. so many flaws, so many mistakes, they all just abound in me. maybe all this really keeps my ego in check.

but i feel much better now. because i knew God heard Hannah and He answered her prayer. God remembered Hannah's prayer. and He answered. and what did Hannah do? she dedicated her son to God and called her Samuel. which translates to "Because i asked the Lord for him."

even when i give my life to God, i pray that God'll remember me. even when life's just made up of waves hitting the rocks, i pray that God'll remember me.

God placed this line, which incidentally is from a book, in my mind while i was just trying hear from God: Faith, not feelings, pleases God.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

sharing the Word of God

honesty is always the best policy and i'm sure everyone loves it. i have a confession to make.

i-really X100-hate-sharing-with-my-classmates.

i'm so afraid to fail, so afraid i'll be rejected, so afraid of this, so afraid of that, so afraid my hair will fall off.. and i'm very afraid of being disappointed. yeah. i'm a biggie coward who doesn't dares to step out of my comfort zone and share my hope with people.

God revealed to me that my classmates are all broken inside as well, or at least once broken, like mine. maybe confidence crushed by people, discrimination against them, or maybe simply just lost, not knowing what's right and wrong, not knowing love.

i don't hang around much my classmates because of their worldly practices. but i was once like them. i like one of the testimonies Ps. Daniel shared: even if the whole of England is covered in glass, i'll still go and make sure that there will at least be one person who will be saved.

it made me see my classmates in God's perspective.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

the God of music

i'm quite mistaken. making music to God, to me, is just singing songs that I LIKE or when i FEEL LIKE IT. no, making music to God takes place at all times. a heart of praise that declares God's love, ohooo!!

"It is good to praise the LORD
and make music to your name, O Most High,
to proclaim your love in the morning
and your faithfulness at night" Psalm 92:1-2

anyway, i've been deluded. i've been praying and praying asking God to change this, change that, make it easier for me and the list goes on. but yet, we can actually pray wrongly. as in, praying for the wrong things. that's what happened to me.

it's better to pray that you'll produce good fruit than to ask God to do this, do that blah blah.
"seek first the kingdom of God and all things will be added to you."

Father, i'm sorry for everything.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

tough situations make tough believers

i ask not for comfort, but for You to change me. O Sovereign Lord, do remember me. O God, strengthen me.

Monday, January 7, 2008

God's beyond understanding, praise Him!

He does things when you least expects it. be it for the good or for the bad. God's very unpredictable.

i will never expect God to add on to me 4 people whom i can be accountable for. and it's not like everyone don't know, there're times when i'll be so afraid to be accountable for people because of the disappointment i can face at times. okay it's not really that bad! languishing as it is, some scenarios are just so funny that.. haha.

wanna know the most ludicrous thing i said when i first shared Christ? check this out.
yining: death here means that you'll go to HELL if you don't accept Christ..

and to think i was so excited when i was told to share Christ with him! hahaha! knowing your stuff is important so pray for wisdom and knowledge!

i know God has a reason for everything. love is spelt as T-I-M-E and that's going all out offering your services and being available. that's something i always have to struggle with. i sit on my bottom, usually waiting for people to come to me! moulding needs time. can be tormenting, but the harvest is just rewarding. denying yourself, picking up your cross. hard to do, but not impossible. that's the thing i can praise God about.

i love this line from the song "Lead me to the Cross": Rid me of myself, i belong to you.

now, God is teaching me the true meaning of discipleship. imparting life and loving your disciples. i wanna love them by offering time for them. nagging at them was once my religion. enough is enough. new beginning from disappointment. spirit of excellence's also tantamount to giving 100% for your disciples.

"Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

whenever my head gets inflated at an alarming rate or i wanna remind myself of God's faithfulness, this verse comes in handy.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

no-no's for my school ministry:
*forgetting to do homework
*sleeping in class
*conforming to the world

so, today marks the dayeth when i shalt officially hit the bookseth. Glory, glory to God!

Saturday, January 5, 2008

1st service of the year, a new beginning for me

i've lived my life as a failure.

if you want a good idea of how i have messed up, read the first line of the song "Inside out." picturesque in your mind's eye now? my life had been filled with so many repetitive failures even when God is in my life. shame crawls up to my back and sniggers at me before he overwhelms me so greatly, like always. and it's so overwhelming that i can just freak out, horrified at what i've done. an example would be Nehemiah 8:9 "Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who were instructing the people said to them all, "This day is sacred to the LORD your God. Do not mourn or weep."
For all the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law."

a description of year 2007 was literally a year of fiascoes, be it icebreaker games, being a discipler, relationships with people, wanting approval from people, seeking attention, strongholds, blah blah. you name it, you get it.

i can always remember what Ps Chris Long says. Jesus is gonna tell that guy who's labelling you a failure or sinner "You shut your face because he's with Me." when he said that, i was tearing openly in a room of 300++ people. God's just so awesome.

you know you do something and you fail? trying again would be the last option in your mind and you'll just leave it as it is. give half-baked jobs when you're given the duty again. yeah, that's what yours truly is all about.

i never allowed a second chance in my life. but God offered me something which no one can is unconditional love. you know, His grace stretches miles and miles and it's never gonna end. no one can love me like that. can you imagine? i myself am so judgemental, so messed up and yet God loves me. He's placed good friends in my life which i'm not afraid to mention them right now, like Estehr Chong and Cheryl Lee[and she's my cellgroup leader] and praise God for them because out from their mouths are rebukes and words of wisdom. rebukes aren't very endearing to me at times, i admit. but it's like someone slaping you hard at your face and screaming at your year "WAAAKKEEE UPP!!!"

i spent a lot of the altar call yesterday crying because i know that i can have a new beginning and that's what God wants. if year 2007 had been wasted away, 2008 will be a year of victory and freedom for me. it'll be a year where God can use me so much more. my last year in school, plx.

i really like what Ps Daniel said: enough problems to keep you humble, enough friends to comfort you. i guess humility is something i always struggle with. i can't accept failures as part of my life though i see it all the time.

this year is a year of major exams for everyone. A's, O's, N's, promos, actually all the possible exams counting out those in universities and PSLE. i'm so afraid that i'll backslide and just drift away from God bit by bit. i just pray that i'll be pleasing to God no matter what. after all, that had been my prayer to Him for the past few months.

"All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD." Proverbs 16:2 because my motives are wrong whenever i do something, that's why this verse speaks so much to me.