Saturday, June 28, 2008


"And he went outside and wept bitterly."

"Simon son of Jon, do you truly love me more than these?"
"Yes Lord," he said, "you know that i love you."
Jesus said "Feed my lambs."
Again Jesus said "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?"
He answered "Yes Lord, you know that i love you."
Jesus said "Take care of my sheeps."
The third time he said to him "Simon son of John, so you love me?"
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said "Lord, you know all things; you know that i love you."

Friday, June 27, 2008

drink THAT CUP, YO!

aye and Jesus said that when He was gonna get arrested!!! awesome!! so that's something like what yousheng says when we don't dig physics: JUST ACCEPT IT.

there're times when i'll get persecuted in school. like if i hang out with this bunch of people, they start using words alluding to Christ, God and blah blah. such remarks are seriously unwarranted. well i was angry!!!!! but that's what Jesus said! "drink from that cup my Father gave me!"

btw, i studied very little this week. but the time i spent studying is like equivalent to the revision hours spent during the hols. LOLZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!

ahh. God's really awesome!!! Psalm 73:8 really refers to these people in my school:

"they scoff, and speak with malice; in their arrogance they threaten oppression"

and yet when we go on, it does something like..

"When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, i was senseless and ignorant; i was a brute beast before you." Psalm 73:21-22

i was angry and i vented my anger by playing foul during basketball. hahahahha and it sucks, feeling angry!!! BUT BUT BUT BUT.

"Yet i am always with youl; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel and afterward you will take me into glory." Psalm 73:23-24 God holds my right hand and that's most important because God never let me go and God's love is, according to the Bible, "higher than the heavens."

and to finish off.. "My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

GOD IS MINE. MY PORTION. GOD IS THE STRENGTH OF MY HEART. AMEN. my flesh, my heart may fail.[i think the heart part alludes to being desensitized but i don't know. plx correct me!!]

God is just so filled with love!!!! He holds me by my hand. like this adult[cept he's enormous] holding this hand of a kid's.

some of this cool verses God spoke to me and meant a lot to me:

"The Lord is my Shepherd... He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul and he guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." Psalm 23:1-3 an awesome verse coz amen, God is my Shepherd. God is the One taking care of me. and He is the Restorer.

"How lovely is your dweling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." so today is saturday, the day we enter the House of God!!!!!! lovely lovely[SOUNDS LIKE LONDON TIPTON LOL!!!!]!!!!!!

i really thank God for some people whom can hear me out even when i disrupt their sleep

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


i'm sorry for the lack-of-creativity for my title. :P

anyway, this past 3 days were tough. i faced guilt trips and issues which i just can't solve and it seriously sucks because the thing is that i should have left it in God's hands and just wait instead. and it really sucks when you realize people don't like you, whether conveyed verbally or just inferred. i thought i would be immune to it and just get on with life but i was just worshipping with my guitar with the sun rays hitting me gently when i realized this feeling sucks to the max. probably deep down i'm upset because the person's face kept popping out and my mind will just replay:

"eh i really don't like your face leh."

but God's just so good because Jesus accepts me for who i am. i mean, love covers a multitude of sin but i ain't applying that in my life. probably a lesson from God coz sometimes God teaches things the hard way. and i'm thankful for people who will remind me when i go too far.

i really can't believe that i'm leaving secondary school in 3 months time and i tell you, i'm counting.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Your will

nat and i went to estehr's house few days ago to play guitar and it so turns out that she pumped her ball so we played ball!

so while we're playing, there's this man who is a little slow in the mind, sitting down on the bench and fuming. and nat sat down beside him and asked him stuff, eg. what's your name, how old are you and stuff and why he's angry. so turns out that there's another basketball player who looks intimidating took half the court and he couldn't play[it's psychology. you don't wanna get thrashed or bullied]. so nat asked him this golden question which i think i didn't want to ask.

"would you like to play with us?"

i tell you what was going on in my heart. i didn't want to play with him. i didn't want him to spoil the chance of the 3 of us playing together. and when nat asked the question, all this reluctance turned into guilt and disgust. disgust because i was disgusted with myself.

because if Jesus was around, He would have asked the same question. and nat shared a verse with me which was powerful and godly when i shared with him how i felt:

"For Christ did not come for the righteous but for the sinners."

amen to that!!!!!!! and that's exactly one of God's will for us. a command. gotta love everyone. big or small, just gotta love.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

showers and Peter and status quo

i really enjoy showers at night[most preferably my mum's toilet] because i can just let the torrents of water hit my bald head and flow down my bodeh. and as the water cascades down, my thoughts start coming in. prayer. worship. they set in.

Peter, peter, peter. why do you have sucha big mouth? peter, you made a very bold and reckless statement. Lay down your life? alright, you said that. but Jesus knew you would back out, last minute. your head probably swelled. your bravado probably impressed[maybe disgusted] other people. yeah. lay down your life. that meant a lot. and even more if you break that claim. but how did you feel when you broke your claim? were you worried about what people might whisper about you?

"yeah, you see that idiot who just denied Jesus? so much for that mouth of his."
"dude, that guy speaks before he thinks. what a waste of brains."

i seriously don't know what people during Jesus' time would say. but i know for one thing that peter felt ashamed. he always speaks before he thinks. his mouth comes before his brains. he might even felt impervious to those whom he may have hurt accidentally[or intentionally]. but that night, he felt like the worst loser on the face of this earth. he probably wanted to dig a hole and hide his face, filled with shame, inside it. never want to see those stares of people. never want to hear those snide comments. never. and he did what many people will do. he returned back to the life he led before he met Jesus. ahh. if he continued on doing Jesus' work, it'll probably remind him of what he did; the blunder he made.


yet he became the one who spoke. the one who shared. he became one of the greatest apostles ever. he became the person who wrote his own epistles which will be read by countless of Christians worldwide.

i read this story from Facing the Giants ages ago. and God reminded me of this story. of how peter grappled with his stronghold. and other people as well. i shouldn't be over-concerned about the "doing well spiritually or not" and sorts. yeah, doing well spiritually is important. coz if i have no character, i can easily get back to square one. character's so important!! but i probably forgot who i am.

status quo. it sucks when you're hurt. it does. coz when you're hurt, you've got this wall in front of you which seperates you from everyone. physically, you're present. but truth is that everything is deceptive. that person standing on the inside isn't you. or me in this case. we conform, we follow the flow coz we're afraid of being disappointed, afraid of messing things up, afraid of hurting others, afraid of this, afraid of that, blah blah. just living craven lives being afraid of nearly everything.

but in God i can make mistakes. i can hurt others, be overwhelmed by guilt and shame and sorrow and whatever nots and return to God. i can coz i want God to write the word "yet" in my biography. in my biography, i want this cursive y-word called "yet."

i may be someone who's inconsiderate, lousy, blah blah.

yet, i may become one of the greatest speakers God may use.
yet, i may become one of the greatest workers of God.

one of the greatest pastors, one of the greatest painters, one of the greatest worship leaders. i also want God to write a "yet."


Saturday, June 14, 2008



amazing race ended yesterday night with a service though for many[or should i say most], it was with abrasions, cuts andddd.. smell. HAHAHAHAHAHA. but it was packed with so much action, filled with so much mud and excitement, the atmosphere was really high!!! some kayaked, some rockclimbed, some went to INTERNATIONAL MERCHANDISE MALL[yeah if you don't know what is this, then so did we until my bestie cracked it] and blah blah blah. i must say my whole body's aching but it was very good experience!!! someone should post the photos.. *hint hint*
my team, though was the last[we reached church only after service ended], were of great fun and character. awesome people!!!!! no one was afraid to be dirty, everyone just chiong and fell[ with reference to Slippery Slope]! no one complained when we couldn't complete the last station!!! and that's awesome coz our futures are decided! praise God when we win, praise God when we lose, amen!![okay la if i tell you that i didn't felt disappointed, i'm kidding you]

Friday, June 13, 2008


currently at estehr's house[i mean i've been visiting hr since yesterday] and we have great fun cozzz...


Monday, June 9, 2008

Jesus said

".. don't judge based on mere appearances."

and that is probably one of the most powerful thing he had said. i shaved my head today. and my sis.. judged me.

"eh, ugly you know!"
"later mama confirm scold you one!"

it's as though she's never watched tv shows like prison break and seen a jailbird before. and i was thinking, shuck, this society is one that sees image as imperative. like King Nebuchadnezzar. worship image. the one that looks the best gets the adoration and the one that don't gets stigmatized. and my mum was shocked of course. she kinda chided me. probably a huge lesson God wants to teach to someone so judgemental like moi.

Your love stands firm. says:
wanted to try something new. i wanted to look like pastor preston but i ended up looking like that monk who runs that charitable hospitable.
Estehr says:
LOL omg you religionist!

HAHAHAHAHA! i thought it made sense but she said she don't. oh wells!

"i lift my eyes unto the hills and where does my help comes from? my help comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth."

Sunday, June 8, 2008

it's mornin' and da sun's beaaautiful!

nah, no sun at all! it's cloudeh and obscuring the sun rays. ah!

i was just walking around my house coz that's my favourite past time when i remember seeing this on someone's blog/msn nick. it says something like..

"everyone hurts but not everyone quits."

right now, i don't even want to pass call chains to this particular because i've this intention of just giving up on him. but i guess i just gotta hang on there and keep asking for God for more love. love afterall, covers a multitude of sin.

anyway, i'm gonna start hitting the books at nine. it's like what, 30 more minutes to that time? :p like what kz said: God deserves nothing less than our best. amen! :D

if we areeeee...

the BODEH. yeah! that's the song i'm listening to right now[btw, i think it'll be a great song to play on guitar. :D].

i love this line! :D sure speaks a lot eh:
"the weight of their judgemental glances tell him that his chances are better off on the road."

anyway, i tell you what i'm struggling right now. i'm struggling with disbelief and anger over someone's lack of faith. it's as though he's been sitting through nearly 6 months without hearing anything. without hearing. i have no idea what's going on with his life. alas, who am i to be judgemental. anyone who breathes on this earth would have struggled with lack of faith. maybe a couple of lies they believe and so on. i mean, haha even me!!! but God's love transcends all disbelief. God loves us whether we have faith or not, doing well or not, happy or not. God's love is amazing. i remembered seeing this verse on someone's blog... something about being patient when someone's low in faith.. where is it.. aiya! someone nice can tell me the verse by commenting! :D

this evening, i was chatting with my aunt and she asked me this question.
"you going to work during the holidays?"[refering to post O's]

i told her i didn't know. i ain't sure if there are jobs which can give me day-offs on saturdays. i mean, the job can do me good. pay for mission trip and stuff. and then she took notice of my silent reply and said "if you're not going to find a job because you wanna go to church, i'll have nothing to say." my mind was going through a struggle. 10 years down the road, what if i can't support my mum? what if i'm resolute in not finding a job just coz there ain't a job on this earth that have saturday offs? God reminded me of my dream, God reminded me of Joshua 24:15.

"..But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

aye aye! serve the Lord, amen!!!!!!!! if there ain't a job that have no saturday offs and i have to risk not going to church, then i'm gonna wait and find a job that gives me saturday offs. that's what Ps. Dave says! no compromise!!!!!! yeah baby!!! but since my dream job involves __________, saturday offs shouldn't be a prob!!!! and also also, i know of people's parents who live by faith and God honours them by blessing them[financially and probably in other aspects]. live by faith!!! that's an awesome thing, amen!!!!

btw, i finally found this passage i've been wanting to look. ahhhh thank God. this whole entire passage is relevant so i'm gonna post. BIBLEVERSEHEAVY!!!!!

"1You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. 2I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? 3Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? 4Have you suffered so much for nothing—if it really was for nothing? 5Does God give you his Spirit and work miracles among you because you observe the law, or because you believe what you heard?
6Consider Abraham: "He believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness."[a] 7Understand, then, that those who believe are children of Abraham. 8The Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: "All nations will be blessed through you."[b] 9So those who have faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.
10All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law."[c] 11Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith."[d] 12The law is not based on faith; on the contrary, "The man who does these things will live by them."[e] 13Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree."[f] 14He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.
The Law and the Promise 15Brothers, let me take an example from everyday life. Just as no one can set aside or add to a human covenant that has been duly established, so it is in this case. 16The promises were spoken to Abraham and to his seed. The Scripture does not say "and to seeds," meaning many people, but "and to your seed,"[g] meaning one person, who is Christ. 17What I mean is this: The law, introduced 430 years later, does not set aside the covenant previously established by God and thus do away with the promise. 18For if the inheritance depends on the law, then it no longer depends on a promise; but God in his grace gave it to Abraham through a promise.
19What, then, was the purpose of the law? It was added because of transgressions until the Seed to whom the promise referred had come. The law was put into effect through angels by a mediator. 20A mediator, however, does not represent just one party; but God is one.
21Is the law, therefore, opposed to the promises of God? Absolutely not! For if a law had been given that could impart life, then righteousness would certainly have come by the law. 22But the Scripture declares that the whole world is a prisoner of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe.
23Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. 24So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ[h] that we might be justified by faith. 25Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law" Galatians 3:1-25

lots of things to read! but that's an anti-legalism passage so if you don't wanna read, you're either too dense or just so STUPID!!!!! hahaha kidding!!! btw, i'm feeling better now. thank God.

Saturday, June 7, 2008


"When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel and afterward take me into your glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing i desire besides you."

i realized that i've been taking some things for granted and i shouldn't because it's unfair to the thing. but thank God coz in God, there is room for mistakes. in God, failure is nothing. in God, there is forgiveness.

"But with you there is forgiveness, therefore you're feared."

Father, forgive me coz i've sinned.

Friday, June 6, 2008

jumbled up thoughts

"I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself." Psalm 89:1

"For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Psalm 108:4

"If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?" Psalm 130:3

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

Thursday, June 5, 2008

logic does fail

life just doesn't make sense at times. shoot. it doesn't make sense for people to forgive after forgiving. it doesn't make sense for Jesus to die for the whole world. it doesn't make sense that God forgive me when i sin. it doesn't make sense that the good die young. it doesn't make sense.

yet when logic fails, there is truth. i always say "does this make sense?" i think i'm born a logical person! but logic is so not truth! logic isn't truth at all! it's 2 different things! God's love isn't logical, it's truth.

i sin, i sin, i sin. i thought R.C would keep me going but i crashed faster than i could scream. i give in to temptations more, i dwell on things that aren't godly, wrong motives, blah blah. this made up my whole week. but Jesus never condemns. Jesus keeps me going. Jesus holds on to me. Jesus never says that i'm not good enough to be revolutionary.

"it's alright. i still love you even when you sin. keep going."

Wednesday, June 4, 2008


indeed, God is our refuge!!!! God never fails me.

when i'm feeling so weary and i still had piles of things to do, i could still come up to God and say "Papa, hide me from all the shame and pain etc etc etc." i can boast that God is indeed my hiding place. hiding place when i've sinned, hiding place when i'm ashamed, hiding place when i'm tired. God is my hiding place.