When life is oopsy-turvy

oh yeah, title says it all.

when God's presence just isn't there. or you know that God isn't really working in your life. or when everything just seems wrong and messed up. even when you live a life of repetitive sin. or when you see that your faith is running low.

for Hannah, this was the case:
"And because the LORD had closed her womb, her rival kept provoking her in order to irritate her. This went on year after year. Whenever Hannah went up to the house of the LORD, her rival provoked her till she wept and would not eat." 1 Samuel 1:6-7

that's when you need to cry out to God.

"I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief." 1 Samuel 1:15-16

i poured out my soul. i shut my eyes tightly, opened my gaping mouth wide in agony and in my heart i was just screaming to God. oh yeah, literally. i screamed to God.

GOD!!! WHY?! WHY IS HAPPENING?! WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG?! WHY IS THIS PERSON NOT CALLING FOR QUIET TIME?! WHY IS THIS PERSON NOT DOING WELL IN YOU?! WHY'S MY FAITH RUNNING LOWER AND LOWER AND LOWER........[along with other stuff i can't remember]

i just don't trust God enough to know that He's sovereign and that He's God and He calls the shots, not me. haha i'm just that weak. so many flaws, so many mistakes, they all just abound in me. maybe all this really keeps my ego in check.

but i feel much better now. because i knew God heard Hannah and He answered her prayer. God remembered Hannah's prayer. and He answered. and what did Hannah do? she dedicated her son to God and called her Samuel. which translates to "Because i asked the Lord for him."

even when i give my life to God, i pray that God'll remember me. even when life's just made up of waves hitting the rocks, i pray that God'll remember me.

God placed this line, which incidentally is from a book, in my mind while i was just trying hear from God: Faith, not feelings, pleases God.