jumbled up thoughts

"I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself." Psalm 89:1

"For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies." Psalm 108:4

"If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?" Psalm 130:3

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

logic does fail

life just doesn't make sense at times. shoot. it doesn't make sense for people to forgive after forgiving. it doesn't make sense for Jesus to die for the whole world. it doesn't make sense that God forgive me when i sin. it doesn't make sense that the good die young. it doesn't make sense.

yet when logic fails, there is truth. i always say "does this make sense?" i think i'm born a logical person! but logic is so not truth! logic isn't truth at all! it's 2 different things! God's love isn't logical, it's truth.

i sin, i sin, i sin. i thought R.C would keep me going but i crashed faster than i could scream. i give in to temptations more, i dwell on things that aren't godly, wrong motives, blah blah. this made up my whole week. but Jesus never condemns. Jesus keeps me going. Jesus holds on to me. Jesus never says that i'm not good enough to be revolutionary.

"it's alright. i still love you even when you sin. keep going."

refuge

indeed, God is our refuge!!!! God never fails me.

when i'm feeling so weary and i still had piles of things to do, i could still come up to God and say "Papa, hide me from all the shame and pain etc etc etc." i can boast that God is indeed my hiding place. hiding place when i've sinned, hiding place when i'm ashamed, hiding place when i'm tired. God is my hiding place.

R for RADICAL. C for Conference!

yay ps preston!!!!

this pic is by far the coolest i've taken in my life.


xiongdi lao le!! happy belated 18th!!! xiongdi square!

happy belated 18th cheryl!!!!! much love!!!!!! :D

yeah so R.C rocked LIKE A HURRICANE[hahaha lovelle]!!!

truth be told, there's a lot going on in my mind. so much that i can't put it here


who likes being BURRRNNNTTTT. hahahahhaa the heat sometimes is so hawt that you can only just sweat and let the flames lick you. but behind the furnace are some of the best riches one can have. character, faith and blah blah. and when we finish furnace time and come out, though maybe not unscathed, but clinging on, we can see victory. and character. and loads of stuff! woah! Jesus holds on to me, to us and never let me, let us go! this week had been so tough and difficult coz i've been hit by so many temptations and shucks, it's horrible. it's wearisome. but the best thing is that Jesus holds on to my hand. no need to be ashamed of furnace times! yeah baby!

and dude, i'm not cutting. at all. i reached a horrific conclusion that i've been following the flow and it sucks, it's difficult, it's frustrating. and i have never wondered why did God made me so different. others can just woosh, flow along while i can't. shucks. i'm insensitive, tactless, have no control of my tongue, nonsensical. come to think of it, i don't know how many people have i offended and sinned against. loads. and not everyone likes it. not everyone likes me. revolutionary arh. so much for the masks. so much for being someone you aren't. what's my character? shucks. i have lost myself in the process. lost knowing who i am. process. relationships is also about processes. so naive of me to think that relationships comes from shortcuts.

i have also reached another horrific conclusion that i have nothing. i have nothing on this world. good brains? so what even i have them? people say i'm intelligent. but can i eat my O's cert for dinner? i only have a few of what you call "good friends." a few. so few that i can confide to. so few to shout "I'M FEELING DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF. I'M FRUSTRATED." so what do i have? Jesus. i have the only friend on this world that sticks with me. i have God. i've been coming up with excuses to justify and protect myself. but i don't need to. God is my refuge in oppressed times.

whew.

i really thank God for lester because he makes life easy for me.

i don't know if i should be saying this. but he's the one that makes me see that it's worth discipling. God has changed him. juxtaposition of before and after will shock you.

What do you want?

And that's what Jesus asked of those 2 disciples at John 1:37

"That night God appeared to Solomon and said to him, "Ask for whatever you want me to give you."

indescribable

i realized how small my problems, my discouragements and what's going on are.

shucks. so small! those small little things on the sky that sparkle at night, God places them there and KNOWS THEM BY THEM. THE LIGHTNING BOLTS. GOD SENDS THEM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. THE GREAT BALL OF FIRE. THE ONE THAT MAKES US GO "@#^@$^%(&%(*^(_)^*_(%%^#." GOD PLACED IT THERE.

HOW SMALL AM I WHEN NATURE, ONE OF THE GREATEST CREATIONS OF GOD, IS AWESOME AND BIG AND HUGE-R?!

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after sermon yesterday, i realized there are so many weaknesses in me. a lot you know!!!! a lot until it's indescribable[haha]! then i was on the mrt feeling frustrated when suddenly a line from a song floated in my head:

"Your hand O Lord, is upon me."

does it matters how big my problems are? coz God's hand which holds the universe is BIGGER[dunno how many trillion light years]! no problem! no pressure! strongholds can be broken! lies can be discovered and thrashed!

yeah baby! ready to rock and roll!